01 April 2010

How I am: always

How I am: always
the three a.m. call: the big news
that I love you so terribly, the fact
that I hate you so truly. I am
the digital ping of the phone that wakes
your dog, I am the dream broken, the one
where you are sawing off your leg
before an uninterested husband. Too: I am
wholly given up on the caller, have deep-sixed
the bright cotton candy stickiness
of our shared jail time, have let go
the blood hostility like pompoms shaken
in the headlights of oncoming traffic
on the old farm to market road, oh I am all
Buddhist detached oh oh I am the ickle
bit of hope for the caller
tucked in the top drawer behind the socks,
rolled loose like a sock,
the interruption long awaited.

I am the moment beneath the 3 a.m. call,
not the first kiss but the gray afternoon
and the invitation across the fence,
I am the energy of the hop over that fence
and the lope toward the scrotum-tightening sea
and the letter you wrote about it later
and the argument in which it came up
and the future heaped on the door stoop
like your best jacket worn for the date
bleached by salty sand.

Or I am the moment before that moment, the breeze
called spring with dirt and shit and the crocuses
probably, sure, though I wouldn't know a crocus
if it knocked me on the head. Who's there.

I am the reason you think the call is made
and the reason I think the call is made
and the dark cut by halogen, helpful,
because anyway it's 8 a.m. somewhere else
and 5 p.m. in still another town,
and I am the other reason, the one always here,
silent, spinning us round, drunk.


  1. It's always fun to read something the professor has written! Looking forward to the rest of the month!

  2. I really enjoy the repetition, the tension between the speaker's passion and apathy, and the humor in this poem. Thanks for sharing.

  3. wow! this is excellent!

  4. aren't you lovely? thanks for giving me the moment when I read this you wrote.

    looking forward to poem 2 in the mad dash.

    advertisement: I'm also doing the thirty at my blog, http://zsg.tumblr.com and I wholeheartedly invite you to take a peek.